Saturday, July 24, 2010

A Dream Within a Dream...

I am quite certain that Edgar A. Poe was on to something when he wrote:
"Everything that we see or seem
is but a dream within a dream."
There are a great many days when it seems as though it's all just a dream, I'll wake up, and have to actually face the day. Unfortunately, I know it to be a fact that I've already faced the day, and it's been one hell of one at that! It's been one hell of a week, to be more precise.
You see, I've been off my happy psychotropics for about 5 months now...maybe longer, i forget. I decided to banish western medications from my "medicine cabinet" and replace them with a more natural approach in the forms of teas and tinctures. Most days are successful, despite the utter chaos that surrounds me damn near every day. However, this past month has been the biggest struggle for me! Not only is the heat unbearable, my kids, dog(of whom we shall now refer to as the beast), and the lusty woodsman have all contributed to my insanity. Which is why I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as NORMAL. It doesn't exist.
Ed was right.....
I'm going to add physical activity to my schedule of happiness, along with the teas and tinctures. Poppins assured me that a bit of exercise would do me some good. I shall comply.
To give you a better understanding of why my daily schedule needs a bit of an addition to keep my sanity in check, I shall expound:

1. Heat: today is 98 with a heat index of 105... 'nuf said.

2. Kids: because of our glorious heat wave (of which I am certain we will all shrivel up and die), my kids are forced to remain indoors, which inevitably means.........near me. The bickering, complaining, and downright ugliness is explanation enough as to why mothers drown their children (just watched "Shutter Island" last night...odd). I am moving.......far Utopia. Now, if I could just find that map.....................

3: Beast: He is a big, black, 140 pound puppy. The neighbors chickens are free. Because the said neighbors aren't that bright, really. Because having animal control take away their feral declawed kitty in 17 degree weather this past winter, along with receiving citations for said feral declawed kitty, wasn't enough to have them keep their animals from running free. As I was saying, the chickens are running free. In my yard. Beastie wants him some dinner!!! I swear I'm going to bury him in the back yard if he continues barking "CHICKEN! I SEE ANOTHER CHICKEN! OOO, OOO, THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!"


4. Lusty woodsman: fried chicken. Long story short: he wanted fried chicken for dinner. Took it upon himself to make said fried chicken. 3 grease fires, 1/2 pound of baking soda, and a smoky house later, I saved fried chicken dinner. The first 2 pieces were thrown by my lusty woodsman into the yard...grease, pan and all. Something about the smoking pan, the black chicken and my concern that he wear a shirt just didn't click.

Ed was most definitely right.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Winken, Blinken and Nod...

I thought I would have the opportunity to explain the whole fried chicken fail from this weekend, however, it seems as if time decided to pull a fast one on me again and....would you look at the time! After assembling many tiny laminated cotton aprons, 3 loads of laundry, grilled ham and swiss (with a side order of fries that were baked on account of the fried chicken fail), "Captain Horatio Hornblower" starring Gregory Peck, and a small cup of "Moose Tracks," it has come to my attention that the day is most certainly done.
Tomorrows agenda? A four year old at the crack of dawn should give you reason enough to believe that a 47 pound rooster is on the list.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Housework really IS dangerous...

Who knew that vacuuming could be harmful?
I woke up yesterday with this nagging ache under my right rib cage...didn't think anything of it really until this pain started to progressively become a worry. I was questioning myself as to whether or not my appendix blew, my gallbladder exploded, or the lack of alcoholic beverages (which from here on out will be referred to as "rooster" i.e. the 47lb Rooster) for a 20 day period had a negative effect on my liver. As the answers to these questions were a unanimous "ridiculous!", I thought it best to seek "professional" advice.
Fast forward to present time...after much deliberation, one pee sample, and plenty of pressing on said spot asking me..."does this hurt?" (if it didn't, lady, I wouldn't be here), the answer became clear....I must have done something while vacuuming. I have been prescribed 4 days without physical activity and plenty of Aleve. I'm sure I will ignore the Aleve portion of the prescription, as it would only mask the pain and I might foolishly ignore the other portion of the prescription. But I'm all about the banned physical activity. Looks like my minions will have to do the vacuuming for me. After all, they are young, strong and spry. Adding a few more chores to the menu should only build character.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Poppins made me do it...

I'm not one for following the crowd. I make my own choices, I decide my own agenda. I'm also not one for sitting back and watching the world go by without my little bit of influence and little suggestions thrown into the mix. But when my sister told me "you should really do it!", I caved. Almost all of my thoughts about not going with the flow, about not doing whatever else the rest of the world is doing, about sticking to my guns, almost all decided to go into hiding. And here we have it...........the blog is born. Be afraid, very afraid. For within these walls of mine you will experience my life: hobbies, kids, marriage, mental angst, teen drama (soon to arrive in duplicate), hell, my own drama! I will most likely hold nothing back. I have been told that I cuss like an iron worker, I have been told I'm nice (that comment is being reexamined), I have even been told I have the gift of needle and thread.
Welcome to the magickal world of a pagan gypsy stuck in the Bible belt until further notice. (Bet the pagan part raised a brow...)